I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize