I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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