just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
