I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So vagazzling was a success
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
