I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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