I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
