Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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