I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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