I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
