he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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