My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
