If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
