I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
