We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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