sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
