So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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