Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
