Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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