We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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