Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
