HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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