I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Let's get the cat blown out
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
