What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
