She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
