My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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