Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
