I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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