I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
