just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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