I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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