At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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