i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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