Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
