we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
