You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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