it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
