Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
