he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
