hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
