I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize