I just pynch a tree in the face
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
