She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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