I need to stop coming to work sober
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
