and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
