dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
