Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
