Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
