I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
