I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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