I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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