I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
