I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
