New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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