Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
