My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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