Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
