About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
