The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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