So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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