I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just cropdusted the office
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
