Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
