fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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