I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wish I only lived at night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
