No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
