I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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