I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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