Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i came on her dog
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Still dying that you shit outside
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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