I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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