took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
