the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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