I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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